I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
