When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
