honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
