i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
