i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
