Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
