Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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