I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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