she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
