I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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