Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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