You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
