he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
