Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
