Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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