I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
