why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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