Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
