everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
