the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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