I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
