i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Randomize