Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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