She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
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And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
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I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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