He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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