Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
