I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
