Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
