so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
