I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
