I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
