Your tits are I can't wait for
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
