and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
