I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
