I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
