guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
