hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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