when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
