She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
