sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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