My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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