that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
