***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
