If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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