she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
