How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
