New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
