I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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