My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
