The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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