State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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