i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
