Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
