yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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