You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
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Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
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Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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