it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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