We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
