I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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