u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
where are my eyebrows?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
