he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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