I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
