Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Found your dick twin last night
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
