ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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