It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
