Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
