I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
