Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
