Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize