At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
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He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
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tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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